1、Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at thePearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As apediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter letshim enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to goahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care." St. Peter replies, "You mayenter. But," he adds, "You can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."
HMO ：Health Maintenance Organization 卫生维护组织
2、I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."
3、 A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. Heeats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the pandastands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going?You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The pandayells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartenderopens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asianorigin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eatsshoots and leaves."
4、Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"
cannibal ：食人者， 吃同类的动物
5、 The 16th tee featured a fairway that ran along a road. The first golfer in a foursome teed off and hooked the ball. It soared over the fence and bounced onto the street, where it hit the tire of amoving bus and ricocheted back onto the fairway. As they all stoodin amazement, one of the golfer's friends asked, "How did you dothat?" The golfer shrugged. "You have to know the busschedule."
fairway ：航路， [空]水上飞机升降用的水面跑道
foursome ：四人的一组， 四人对抗赛 adj。四人做的， 由四组成的
tee off ：发球， 开始
ricochet ：n。跳飞， 跳弹 v。(使)跳飞
6、How do you keep a jackass in suspense?
I'll let you know tomorrow!
jackass ：公驴， 愚人， 傻子
7、 Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on therear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," theother says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the onlydoctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "Buthere's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is,suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs backto his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" thevictim cries. "He says you're gonna die."
rattlesnake ：<美>[动]响尾蛇
8、 Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smithclutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decidewho's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Andersonpicks the short one. "Break it to her gently," they all urge."Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door,Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." "Howmuch?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"
9、Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward?You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back,your truck back.。.
10、Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late onenight, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a bigbrass gong. "What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend. "It'snot a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talkingclock? How's it work?" "Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00in the morning!"